six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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