i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
