we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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