he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Couch. On fire.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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