Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
