Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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