Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
