did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
