haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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