somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
time to smoke my breakfast
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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