A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
