Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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