gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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