I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
