ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
