Umm I'm too high to move.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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