im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
