Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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