Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
