We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
