Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
