omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
