Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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