she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You can't motorboat a personality
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
