i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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