Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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