I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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