dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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