break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
