I have demons in me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
