how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
