If that was your dad, he is hot
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
please come you make the beer taste better
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
