If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
