i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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