College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
