Sry I called you an 8
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
