You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
