i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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