found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
