i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
