I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
