Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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