I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
