oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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