I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the day after is always just damage control
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
