he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
