I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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