I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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