I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
