You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
