I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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