quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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