Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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