The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
