You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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